Sheenaningans

Nobody better punch this guy in the face.

Jesus, Reconsidered

If Jesus is already a sandal-in for top ten most punchable faces of all time then how would his position on the list change if he sounded like this?

Top 10 Most Punchable Faces of All Time

Now that Valentines day is over it's time to get some pent up aggression off my chest. This list was not hastily put together. Rather, it was maticulously crafted during a lifetime of observation. Please let me know if you feel I left anyone off.

David J. Maloney

David J. Maloney -Oil Spill from Lifehouse Productions on Vimeo.

I'm not sure how many people outside of the gulf coast have had the pleasure of seeing this turbo douche's commercials. Here is the only one I could find and it doesn't even begin to do him justice. All of them consist of close ups and different angle shots of him acting like a big faggot. FACE PUNCH!

Guy Fieri

Part of me feels bad for this guy. The other part wants to strike him directly in his face. Bowling shirts were never cool in or outside of a bowling alley. Get a hold of yourself man.

Papa John

I will hand it to him; he has a cannon for an arm. Papa John can toss a football. Aside from that he has nothing going for him. This assclown continues to stain my tv with his terrible commercials and for that i am overcome with an urge to roundhouse kick his face.

Spencer Pratt

Some people were just not meant to grow facial hair. The first sign you should look for when determining if you are one of these people is if your facial hair is flesh colored. Even if he did shave that thing he still has a face that lends itself to punching more than anyone else on the list.

Tucker Carlson

This guy embodies the whole short shorts wearing, croakie sporting, pop collared douche bagery that has somehow become a mainstay of teenage males and promotes it on the soapbox that Fox News affords him. And for that he deserves a particularly severe face punch.

Jesus

"ooooooooooooo look at me. I'm the son of God. you will do exactly what I say or you will burn in the fires of hell for eternity" Seriously Jesus, tone it down a little bit. It's all a bit presumptuous don't you think? JESUS FACE PUNCH!

Nicholas Cage

How is he still a real actor? I have never met anyone who has enjoyed a Nicholas cage movie in almost a decade. Boycott anyone who employs this man.

Jared Fogle

You lost all the weight eating subway sandwiches? bullshit! that doesn't even make sense. Go fuck yourself Jared!

Nick Saban

There is never an appropriate time to compare your football teams loss to 9-11. But that didn't stop Saban from doing it when Alabama lost to Louisianna Monroe. This of course took place after he threw in the towel at LSU and shat all over the Miami Dolphins organization. That little confused puppy look he is always sporting makes me want to punch a baby.

Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen gave us Bud Foster and for that he will forever be O.K in my book. But this selection is based strictly off the actual physical attributes of his face. The elongated nose and sunken eyes are ripe for the plundering. The haircut and tommy bahama attire are just gravy.