Bill Simmons - The Sports Guy

Perhaps I've been living in a hole - actually, I have and it's called my office - but I've only recently become familiar with Bill Simmons - The Sports Guy. This guy brings a fresh, irreverent, and witty spin on sports and pop culture. His podcast, The BS Report, is one of the top downloaded podcasts currently online, and his mailbag articles and blog posts are a riot. Here's a sample:

Q: I'd be willing to bet every dollar I have that JWoww will be the most famous female wrestler in the WWE in five years or less. Her persona is already league-ready -- "You wanna stay, you can get your ass beat!" WWE needs to JWoww. Your thoughts?
-- Ryan W., Pelham, N.H.

SG: I received that e-mail two months before JWoww made her debut on TNA Wrestling (last week). Some things are just meant to be. Here's where I think the "Jersey Shore" cast ends up five years from today:

JWoww: WWE women's champ
Situation: Host of the Food Network's smash hit, "We Have a Situation."
Vinnie: Porn star (not even a performer, a STAR).
Snookie: Celebrity Fit Club on VH1.
Paulie D: Host of "Celebrity Piercings" on MTV.
Sammi & Ronnie: Either breaking up or getting back together
Angelina: Porn performer.

Q: I was thinking about how ESPN has "ESPN New York" and "ESPN Boston" and then it crossed my mind: Why not have a few others such as "ESPN LeBron," "ESPN Favre" and "ESPN Tiger"?
-- Joe R., Summit

SG: Yes, I received this e-mail two months before we created the "Heat Index." We already have ESPN Tiger: It's called ESPN.com/golf. And we already have ESPN Favre: It's called ESPN. But I agree with Joe: The more special sections, the merrier. For instance ...

"ESPN Sordid" -- An ACC basketball coach being investigated by the NCAA for paying players? ESPN Sordid. An NFL star accused of texting pictures of his junk to a female reporter? ESPN Sordid. A baseball star sued for giving someone a herpie (to steal a phrase from Paulie D)? ESPN Sordid. All the bad stuff would go here.

"ESPN Rip City" -- Wall-to-wall Blazers coverage delivered in the most ingratiating way possible for those soccer mom fanatics from Portland. That's right, gushing hyperbole about every Blazer combined with vitriolic attacks on every media member who dares to cross them! Running features include, "Brandon Roy vs. Michael Jordan: Closer Than You Think," "Why Wesley Matthews Was a Bigger Summer Signing Than LeBron" and "Oden vs. Durant: This Isn't Over Yet."

"ESPN England" -- I pined for this page after hearing that Wayne Rooney wanted out of Manchester United. If Rooney jumped to Manchester City, as rumored, it would be like Jeter jumping to the Mets this winter -- only if Jeter was in his prime, grew up in New York and had to leave because of a hooker scandal, and also, if baseball was the only professional sport that anyone cared about in America. So why didn't we have Soccer Marc Stein or Soccer Adam Schefter chasing down this story, or Soccer Chad Ford writing one of those "Five Possible Landing Spots for Rooney" columns? Where was Soccer J.A. Adande with a "If Rooney Goes to Man City, It Would Be Like Kobe Going to The Clips Multiplied by 100" column? Why don't we have an ESPN Trade Machine for soccer? (Or in this case, an ESPN Transfer Machine?) We need this page. Like, right now.

Q: I'm a teenager and I just lost my virginity. The first person I am telling is you.
-- Joe, Chicago

SG: I bet it took longer to type that e-mail.

Anyway, that's just a small sample. Unfortunately, he spends a lot of time on the NBA but he is definitely worth checking out.

Here is the website for his podcasts and here is his ESPN page. Enjoy.